Seperate Hearts
by Karinka-ten
Summary: Syaoran tells in his perspective what let to the led to the downfall of a love that seemed promising. From stupid fights to unspoken words that eventually contributed
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own ccs

Summary: Syaoran tells in his perspective what let to the led to the downfall of a love that seemed promising. From stupid fights to unspoken words that eventually contributed. –**I suck; don't know how to put it.**

SERPERATE HEARTS

Talking in bed ought to be the easiest, but how can I talk to her when she seems an eternity away. She lies motionless in the same bed but barely next to me. She insured that our bodies did not touch, the way they once did, she insured she had her back turned on me so I could not see if she was sleeping or awake. I sat still and looked at this woman I lost all understanding of. I never promised her moonlight and roses—I promised her love and a shoulder to cry on. Apparently that wasn't enough to keep the flame burning.

I wanted to talk to her, tell her we were falling apart and there had to be a way of fixing the cracks in what was once a solid relationship. I was afraid to tell her, every word that was exchanged between us only grinded a raw wound. We convinced ourselves that we were still going strong, that it was only a phase.

Our relationship became very predictable. Every morning she'd sleep in, almost as though she did not want to see my face. Without telling her, I'd leave for work. It was not the way it used to be when she woke up early to make breakfast for me or help me with my tie.

In the evening I'd catch her sitting in front of the TV, she slightly turn around "Hi honey, how was work?"

I'd give her a pensive smile "It was alright."

She'd avert her gaze to the television then say nothing more. Sometimes I'd join her, rest my head freely on her lap.

"Syaoran, I can't concentrate if you keep talking." She said every time I uttered a simple word.

Other times I'd take her foot and tickle her toes just like I used to.

"Will you quit that?" she said not even looking at me.

"Why?"

She'd shrug and softly say "It tickles, I'm not in the mood for it."

I'd kiss her foot and she would act like I committed a crime "That's just childish." She snorted.

Dinner ought to be a better time to talk, but most of the time she would grab a book and say "I'm on a veggie diet." She'd take a carrot from the fridge then head out.

"You eat like a rabbit!" I complained.

She looked down at my food then made a face "You eat like a pig."

I didn't understand, she was beautiful and graceful, she was perfect. I loved everything about her body…though I must be honest; I'm partly to blame for her insecurity. I made a simple mistake.

One morning she was standing in front of the mirror, I was sitting on the bed reading the latest sports magazine.

"Syaoran, am I fat?"

I wasn't listening; when I looked up she had a serious look on her face.

"Well?" she shrugged.

One of my eyebrows automatically rose; I figured she was asking me if I found her attractive for she had asked me that several times in the past.

"Of course you are." I told her "I always thought you were."

She looked at me teary eyed, the next thing I knew she was rushing to the bathroom to check her weight on the scale.

"I can't believe you just said that." She told me "You can be so insensitive."

I later understood what I did wrong, I tried to tell her I didn't mean it, but she was not convinced.

Things got worse from then on; the kisses we shared were as useful as the sheets we lay on, nothing but cover-ups. Most of the time she wouldn't let me touch the parts of her body I loved the most. In my attempt to be romantic and get her in the mood for a night of passion, I'd sneak my arm under her shirt and cup her breast.

"This is not the time." She said, or "I'm on my period, get over it."

Then I'd say "I thought you stopped last week."

She would then sigh "They are some things about women that men weren't meant to understand."

I'd roll my eyes.

"That is one of them."

"So what am suppose to do now?" it was a stupid question and I never understood why I asked her.

She grinned "I don't know use your imagination."

She was in control of what happened in the bedroom but that was just as meaningless as everything else we did. She only wanted me when we fought; it was probably her way of easing her anger. I didn't mind, it was more aggressive than it used to be. I loved the physical part of it but it seemed like they were no real emotions involved.

She probably thought as long as we're still making love…sorry let me rephrase that, there was no love in what we did—we just 'made'. Like I was saying, as long as we were 'making' we were still together and we had to stay together.

After that she would fall asleep on the other side of the bed. She was not half as annoying as she used to be when our relationship was still fresh.

"Syaoran, please give me a massage."

I'd look at her from the corner of my eye "Sakura, I'm exhausted."

She'd come closer to me and put her hand on my chest "Don't be so lazy, it's not like we were running a marathon."

I'd look at her and sigh "I'll give you a massage in an hour."

She'd pout "Alright fine."

Suddenly I would automatically get up and give her a massage. Other times she would stare at me while I sleep or run her fingers through my hair.

I'd open one of my eyes "Sakura, when are you finally going to stop staring at me and go to sleep?"

"When the sun kisses the sky." She said playfully.

At a certain point we argued about everything from…

"Why do you always have to leave the toilet seat up, you have four sisters for heavens sake. It should be basic instinct to you."

To…

"You see Sakura! Now we're going to be late for the party. Must you take long to get dressed?"

"There are some things about women men were not meant to understand."

There was a time when she locked the bedroom door and I had to sleep on the couch. It all started at a party our friends' were hosting. The minute I turn my back, James Tsuda—the big jerk at the office who thinks he's God's gift to women, approaches my girlfriend.

Sakura, being the woman she is, falls into his trap, laughs at his stupid jokes and lets him grab her shoulders. I had too much to drink so my behavior soon after that is perfectly understandable.

"What's so funny?" I asked with a foolish grin on my face.

"I was just telling the gorgeous lady a joke." James laughed "Four women are sitting down; one goes to the bathroom…"

"I've already heard that one." I interrupted pulling Sakura close to me.

"You're so funny." Sakura had that naïve look on her face "Syaoran, why didn't you tell me you worked with such nice people."

"James here isn't nice and he can't tell jokes sweetheart, he can't even get any of the work done. The only thing he can do is sexually harass women."

James and I clearly fought after that; Sakura yelled at me and called me 'jealous'. I denied it at first but later told her that it was not my fault that I wanted her to myself.

"You don't own me!" she yelled aggressively.

"Yes I do!"—unfortunately I was sober when I told her this.

When we finally spoke about it—like normal adults she said "I know I should forget about it, but I can't."

I overheard her tell Tomoyo, her friend, how overprotective I was and how she can't do what she wants because she's afraid of the way I'd act.

"It's his behavior that really gets to me." I remember her exact words "He's changed, he used to so romantic now he thinks stroking my breast is romantic."

I never came around to confronting her about it but it hurt.

One evening I walked into the bathroom; she was in the tub covered in bubble. She glared at me.

"Chiharu is having this girl's night out thing."

"So?" I told her brushing my teeth.

"I don't care what you say, I'm going." She said.

I cleaned up "Fine! Go ahead and have fun! Flirt with whoever you like, I don't give a damn. You just like the attention you get from other men. You want to hurt me because you know how it makes me feel."

"Bullshit, now I can't have fun with my friends? Does everything have to be about you Syaoran? What about me? You can't tell me you've never flirted with another woman while we were together, when I first met you, you had tons of girlfriends."

"I've never flirted nonetheless looked at a woman other than you since the first day I saw you! I thought you'd be a little more respectful and consider how it makes me feel."

"I want to be with my friends!"

I looked at her "Why don't you move in with them!"

"I will you bastard."

Of course she didn't move out, we ended up 'making'—all I can tell is my body was painful for 2 days. In the morning she took a shower and went to her friends' house.

Now here we were, lying next to each other. Suddenly she moved. She sat up and pulled the sheets to cover her body. I barely saw her face. She took a shower and got dressed in front of me, she said nothing.

"Sakura, we need to talk about this." I told her sitting at the edge of the bed in my boxer shorts.

"Talk about what?" she acted surprised.

"There is nothing to talk about, I love you and you love me right?"

I gave her a frequent node and swallowed hard "Yeah."

The tone in her voice strangled me. How much of that did we really mean anyway? I wondered if she remembered the way it felt when we first touched, when we first kissed or the first time we said those words to each other. I remembered everything.

Moving in together was a big mistake, we thought we were ready for it since we had been together for two years but it was obvious that it was too much for us.

She gave me a quick kiss and walked out of the door.

I thought about **it** all day. I did love this woman, she drove me to insanity. She was the reason behind my possessive behavior. Without her my life would be worthless. I loved the way she irritated me, I love the way she'd make me wait, I loved the way she would constantly annoy me until I gave her massage. I was ready to take the next step in our relationship. There was nothing that couldn't be fixed.

I rushed to the jewelry shop and got her a beautiful engagement ring with a pink diamond in the middle. It was made for her just as she was made for me. I got her pink roses and rushed to the apartment before she could.

When I got there, I noticed that some things were different. The pink vase on the coffee table was gone. The kitchen looked empty; half of the things had disappeared. I rushed to the bedroom; the bed had been stripped. I opened the wardrobe, her clothes were gone, her shoes, her make up. It was like she was never there.

Suddenly I saw a note on the bedside table. It was on white paper written in blue ink. Some of the ink had smudged; I reckoned that she had been crying while writing it. I held my breath as I read it…

_Dear Syaoran,_

_I was too afraid to confess it but this thing between us isn't working. I'm moving back with my father for now, don't come back for me. I wish we could stay friends but I don't think that will be possible. I do love you Syaoran, but I can't take this much longer. All I wanted was for us to soon get married. There, I said it; I know how much that word terrified you. I don't think you feel the same way—I'm tired of waiting. Now I'm ready to move on with my life and I think you should do the same. Letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done. _

_Sakura._

_P.S, my therapist said it would be good for the both of us. _

……………………

**A/N: Reviews would be great; I just hope u enjoyed it. I thought I'd finally write something just for the fun of it and I wanted to try something new. ****If**** the reviews are good enough I ****will**** write a sequel in Sakura's perspective. BYE!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own ccs

Summary: Syaoran tells in his perspective what let to the led to the downfall of a love that seemed promising. From stupid fights to unspoken words that eventually contributed. –**I suck; don't know how to put it.**

SERPERATE HEARTS

I might have made a mistake, leaving the way I did. It was not my intention to break his heart—is it even broken. Does he even miss me or think of me? Questions of that sort linger on my mind day after day. It's been two weeks since I left…two miserable weeks. I'd sit in the yard and miss the loud noise of the city. As peaceful as the atmosphere is, there is a battle in my heart that make me uneasy.

I look at my blank notepad and my dent pencil. My hands wouldn't move, whenever I tried to draw my hands quivered then tears would come pouring down like rain. I'm terrified of something that makes me so happy.

Each feel of the cool breeze brought me back to the time we first met.

_It was a breezy day. I sat in the middle of a flower field with my notepad and pencil. I looked up at the blue sky, white clouds stained it and the sun gently warmed the atmosphere. I had on my sun hat and a yellow summer dress. I remember thinking how beautiful it was when a voice startled me _

"_This is private property." It sounded off behind me. _

_I fixed my hat and abruptly stood up. A man was standing before me, he's soft eyes scrutinized me. His chestnut hair blew with the breeze and he had a firm smirk on his lips. He was so handsome it made me blush. _

"_Pri…private property?" I hesitated, I was well aware of how ridiculous I sounded. Immediately I felt like he was some what superior to me. _

_He nodded "This land is owned by the Li family, didn't you read the sign?"_

_I shook my head "Uh…no?" my words kept coming out wrong. I concluded that he had already made up his mind about me. _

"_So what are you drawing?" his eyes pointed at the notepad. _

_I gasped startled at the question "Flowers…sunflowers."_

"_Well duh, this is a sunflower field." He playfully hit himself on the head. "Can I see?"_

_I reluctantly handed him my notepad, I didn't understand why I felt like I had to; like I had no other option. He browsed through it, a blank expression on his face. Suddenly he smiled. _

"_You're brilliant."_

_I held my hand out for a handshake "Sakura."_

_He shook my hand and that was the first time we touched. A volt of electricity ran through my body. He was looking into my eyes still holding unto my hand. Then he smiled and I did the same. _

"_Nice to meet you Miss. Sakura." _

_A vicious wind blew my hat off my head, I tried to grab it but it escaped my reach. He walked past me "Don't worry; I'll get it for you." _

_He ran after it. After awhile he brought it back to me. He was panting and smiling at once. "Just be careful." He said handing it to me. _

_I nodded "I must leave…I wouldn't want to get caught." _

"_But you've already been."_

_I grabbed my equipment "What are you talking about?"_

"_My name is Syaoran Li, the owner of this land." _

_My jaw slightly dropped and my body froze "So…are you going to sew me?" _

"_No, we've already grown accustomed to each other, it would be unfriendly. In the name of art you're free with the exception that you' give me your number."_

_I suppressed a gasp. I felt two feet small as my cheeks turned red "I…my number?"_

_He nodded "Yes." _

_I smiled at him and gave him my number. He followed me all the way up to my car and helped me carry my equipment. _

"_I'll be waiting to hear your voice once more."_

I shake the thought out of my head and make my way to the kitchen. My father has his office friends over for a party.

"Sakura, why don't you come in here and join us." He said catching a glance of me.

I softly shake my head and without looking at them I say "No. I'm not in the mood."

"Sakura? Come on….Sakura?" he calls and I walk away. Not to be rude but the void in me wouldn't let me participate. Karaoke and strange men and women wouldn't make me happy. I thought about everything including that stupid letter I left behind. What the hell was I thinking?

Then again, things were anything but perfect between us. We fought all the time and my insecurities and his ignorance are part to blame.

Talking was not going to solve anything, I thought, so I ignored him. I got upset when he didn't notice my new dress or my new hair style. I got upset when he'd invite his friends over on nights that he promised it would be the two of us. It was all about breaking promises with Syaoran and most of the time he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.

"Why are you angry at me for, it's not my fault Eriol decided to show up." He said while we're washing dishes.

"It is, you could have told him that we were busy?"

"He came all the way here. Have some sympathy."

Right then I wanted to hit him with a pot. I had done everything; I had dinner prepare—which his friends ended up eating without my consent. I bought a new dress—which he did not notice. The only thing he noticed was my new set of lingerie on the dressing table.

"You went shopping?" he asked excited.

I nodded "You noticed."

"Hell yeah, we should get candles and soft music."

I stood up looking at him "I blew out the candles and turned off the music."

"But why?" he asked confused.

"Never mind." I grunted marching into the bathroom.

I guess I was a little hard on him sometimes. When he forgot my birthday, I did not talk to him for a whole day. I was aware of how frustrated it made him so I let it go on. He apologized and threw me a party the next weekend.

Things only got worse, every argument ended with us sleeping together. Nothing was ever resolved—this is my fault too, I couldn't help it that he turned me on when he was angry. We should have talked.

After that I found it hard to look at him, embarrassed of what I had become. Passion did not solve anything and it could not keep us together. In a way it drove us apart. We were victims of our on tragedy.

It hurt that we couldn't mend things like adults. We acted like teenagers. His jealous antics got under my skin though I knew that if he wasn't jealous of seeing me with another man I'd go crazy.

The more he spent time with my friends, the more I made myself need mine. I knew it drove him insane but what about my feelings? Did he once ever stopped to think how it made me feel when put his friends above me?

All I wanted was…despite all this I wanted…even though we fought all those times I had forgotten, what I really wanted was a commitment.

There was a knock on my door that interrupted my train of thoughts. My heart beat like a drum; I do not understand this. My hands are clammy and my feet wobbly. I cannot breath. I open the door and everything is illuminated.

He looks at me, the same way he did when we first met "I've read this letter a million times and I still don't understand it." He says holding a pink paper.

"Syaoran…you shouldn't be here." I told him.

He is wearing a business suite; I assume he's coming from work. My heart is beating faster…and faster.

"I'm not leaving without you." He says demandingly "Now get your things, we're going home."

"You have no right to talk to me that way." I yelled. "You don't own me."

"I know that…but I love you,"

I gasp and hold my hand up to my face "Love?"

"You look like you don't believe me. I know I'm late but I have a good explanation. I needed to think about what I wanted and it's you Sakura. Everything I do comes back to you."

"Syaoran, we fight everyday, I can't go back to that?"

"We won't anymore, I know it's all my fault." He grabs my wrist then walks into the room forcing me to take a few steps back. He closes the door and grabs my other wrist.

"Let me go Syaoran!" I said trying to escape his grip.

He swiftly pins my hands against the wall. His breath tickles my face and he managed to cover the weakness in his eyes with a corky grin. I do not say a word. I try to keep my eyes away from his but he catches them and looks into them. I can not say anything, my mind won't let me. My chest heaves violently and I tell him calmly "Is this your way of getting me back?"

"Yes…is it working?"

"No." I say softly.

His eyes catch the view outside the window then he looks at me once more "You planted sunflowers in your garden. You told me that they remind you of the first time we met." His grip is loose, I keep my hands pined on the wall.

"Everything has changed."

"No, it hasn't. I know now, I know what it is you wanted me to do."

"Syao..." I moaned giving myself away.

Suddenly his lips closed the gap between us. Each move absorbs me more and more. I slowly close my eyes and kissed him back.

"We can't…" I murmur in his lips. I tried hard to believe that this was not what I wanted but I couldn't. Right now, his kiss is what's keeping the blood in my body flowing.

"I want you Sakura, I missed you." He says softly placing a butterfly kiss on the corner of my lips.

Another moan escapes my lips, I have forgotten to speak. He slams me against the wall and kisses me harder on the lips. I turn my face aside and he targets my neck. An insatiable desire burns my body. Soft and experimental kisses become rough and lustful.

"Say you don't love me anymore and I'll stop. I'll leave you alone and never come back." He whispers in my ear.

"I…"

His hands invade my waist tracing my every outline "We can't do this, my Father is having a party downstairs. They'll hear us."

"Wrong answer."

I arch my back and gradually he pulls my top over my breasts.

"You can't do this, the door is open." I whine yet he won't let me go.

"Damn it, will you tell me…tell me you hate me.

He presses his body hard against mine then forces my top all the way off.

"I…I can't, now stop."

He kisses my jaw line then says panting "Do you really want me to stop? I think you like this."

He chuckles.

"Say you don't love me." He demands.

I use up my strength and push him away "That was unfair, you think you can just seduce me." My breath is unsteady. I put on my shirt.

He loosens his tie annoyance in his eyes "No point in putting it on, I'm only going to take it off again."

"You sicko…I'm speechless and out of here. I don't want to talk to you at all."

As I headed for the door I felt him grab my wrist once more. He spun me into his arms and pulled me so close to him there is not a breathing space between us. I close my eyes and surrender.

………………………..

"Sakura…Sakura…" I hear a knock on my door. My eyes are closed, I must have fallen asleep…wait a minute.

I slowly open my eyes to find my head resting on Syaoran's chest. "Oh no!" I cry.

"Sakura, is everything alright in there?"

"Uh yes Dad."

"Is that your Father?" Syaoran asks his eyes opening.

"Shhh he'll hear you." I say withdrawing my head from his chest. "How could this happen?" I murmur.

"I can't believe you're surprised. You love me, I know you do."

"I never said that." I mutter.

"You never said you don't love me either."

I pull one off the sheets and wrap it around my body. I can feel his eyes on me. "This was inappropriate, what if they heard us."

"You weren't that loud." He ensures me.

I want to cry, I search for my clothes.

"I want to ask you something." He says in a serious tone.

I gather my clothes and start putting them on "Go ahead."

"Not like this." His tone is deeper. "You planted sunflowers in your garden right. Meet me there after dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Yes, I'm eating here. Your father knows me, no introductions necessary."

I shook my head "I can't believe this. Put your clothes on and make sure he doesn't see you coming out of here."

He nodded.

We ate dinner and Syaoran was as arrogant as ever. He made rash statements that kept me off my feet.

"Sakura is coming back home with me." He told my father.

I nearly choked on my wine "No Dad, I'm staying right here."

I glared at him and he smiled at me. I can feel my features soften. This man had a spell over me and he knew me all too well to cease any opportunity given.

"I love her more than life itself. I can't breath when I'm around your daughter, she drives me crazy."

I bit my tongue then looked at my father. He was all smiles eating his food. Why couldn't he be angry?

"But we fought all the time."

"Can you remember why we were fighting?"

I thought of it, the answer was out of reach. I slowly shook my head "No."

"I know sometimes it might have looked like did not appreciate you but I do. I hate myself for not saying those words enough. I hate the feeling of going home and not finding you there."

I say nothing. His words reach the depth of my heart and butterflies fill my stomach. I'm confused.

After dinner we meet in the garden amidst the sunflowers that brush softly against our legs. He holds my hand.

"You still haven't said it…do you love me Sakura?"

I fall into his arms as tears run down my face "Yes, I love you you idiot. I love you! I hate it…I hate that I love you the way I do. I can't live with myself when I'm not with you so please don't let me go."

"You left me too sudden."

He gently lets me go and looked into my eyes "Marry me!" he sounds like he is demanding me.

I node sheepishly "Yes."

**The END**

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